Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize