have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
