so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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