You were right. It hurts to walk today.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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