he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You are the jesus of drinking
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