Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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