Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
