we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
