He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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