I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
