woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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