just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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