Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
