i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
