Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
