do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
