she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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