i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
