You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
