Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
