I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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