I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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