I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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