yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
