my phone needs a breathalizer
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
