I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
