my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
