I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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