Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
