would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
