Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
