Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
