I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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