i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
