i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
