You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
