My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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