I looked at my own cervix.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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