You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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