if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
