yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
