literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
