i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
