I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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