Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
