Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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