he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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