i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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