I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
