babies were throwing up all over the place
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Floor bacon is actually really good
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
