So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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