we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
