Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
