I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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