My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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