i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
