I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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