I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
