I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
