his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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