I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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