well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
