I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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