let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
