I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wish my penis had a tongue
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
