Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
