Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
