the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
